Helpful Articles

The 5 Love Languages, The Secret to Love That Lasts

“The 5 Love Languages, The Secret to Love That Lasts” is a great little book that makes the case that feeling and knowing that one is loved depends on our partner’s ability to speak our love language. It is truly possible to be deeply loved but not to feel loved. Certain actions are much more meaningful than other actions. They are usually the things that we crave. Garry Chapman identified 5 possible languages as…

Depression and Self-Compassion

In Eastern philosophy one can find teachings that say that suffering in life is caused not by the actual event or illness but by the resistance to what is. This wisdom aligns with what Victor Frankl learned in the concentration camps. The one freedom that no one can take away from you is the attitude you take to a situation.

Many people come into therapy very, very critical of themselves. It is often at the point of self-loathing. This creates terrible psychic pain and often ineffective efforts to try to compensate. They may do everything for others, never saying no, leaving themselves exhausted, in ill health and empty. They may isolate and focus only on their work. They may focus only on their children. They may exercise and diet excessively to be thin enough or strong enough. They may sabotage themselves in their profession or their love lives. They may eat and drink alcohol to excess or use drugs to make the pain go away. This self-depreciation and brutality is a recipe for depression and it is one of the hallmarks of depression.

Is Your Relationship Suffering From Lack of Time

Is your relationship suffering from a lack of attention? A lack of time?

How about using the time you have differently?

Many people take their relationships for granted. Most couples are so busy with work and family responsibilities that they don’t feel they have any more time for their relationship. When they come together at the end of the day, they are exhausted. The commitment to do a weekly or even monthly date falls by the wayside. Many families are overly child focused and the parents turn away from each other towards their children, unintentionally weakening the parental bond that actually holds the family together.

Recovery From Affairs

Affairs happen to good people. Life is messy.

Both spouses together created the disequilibrium in the marriage that made the marriage vulnerable to the affair. The betrayed partner is never to blame for the affair. Gottman talks about a 22 step cascade towards betrayal ( Gottman Rusbult-Glass). This is a series of small steps where the spouse turns away from the partner. Communication shuts down and secrets begin.

Often when couples enter therapy, the betrayer doesn’t understand why they risked their marriage, family, and reputation for the affair. They are shocked at the amount of hurt they have caused.