THERAPIST SHOULD NOT CHOOSE SIDES
Recently I have had several couples come to see me after seeing other therapists. They were looking for someone who would not harshly judge one partner.
Initially, when some couples come to therapy they do indeed want the therapist to validate them and to tell their partner that they are wrong. They want the therapist to fix the partner. Although a satisfying hope, this doesn’t set the groundwork for healing the relationship.
I tell couples that they have a right to expect that I will focus on the relationship and not side with one or the other. I ask them to call me on it, if they think I am siding with one of them. I make it clear that we create the therapeutic conversation together and I encourage them, to be frank with me if they are disappointed, hurt or disagree with something I have said.