The 5 Love Language

Peg Walsh APRN Therapy Blog

The Secret to Love That Lasts

“The 5 Love Languages, The Secret to Love” That Lasts is a great little book that makes the case that feeling and knowing that one is loved depends on our partner’s ability to speak our love language. It is truly possible to be deeply loved but not to feel loved. Certain actions are much more meaningful than other actions. They are usually the things that we crave. Garry Chapman identified 5 possible languages as:

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Acts of Service
  • Physical Touch

For each of us certain behaviors says I love you, more than others. Everyone is different. For instance one woman in the book wanted her husband to spend time with her and look her in the eyes and talk to her ( Quality Time – her definition) He on the other hand was doing his best to show her he loved her by preparing dinner and having it on the table when she got home from work, doing the gardening on the weekends due to her allergies and doing the laundry because of her bad back. The woman thought all this was very nice but it didn’t make her feel loved. She saw him as too busy to talk to her. She notes that he talked to other people when they went out but didn’t talk to her. (p186-192)

Chapman points out that the “in love experience” is a bio chemical, emotional, unpremeditated experience that is short lived – usually 2 years or less – it seems to serve humankind for matting purposes. Once it evaporates, if the partner has learned to speak our “love language” our “Love Tank” is full. If not, even if they love us, we may not feel loved and our Love Tank will be empty.

There is a test online that you can take to see what your primary love language is:

Primary Love Language Test