What do people mean when they say ‘relationships are work?’
We’ve probably all heard that phrase before and it’s true to some extent.
Relationships DO require work in the sense that healthy relationships require mutual commitment, effective communication, sacrifice, fairness- the list of essentials goes on and on…
But, you might be surprised to learn that research shows the cause of many breakups isn’t brought on by one big thing like infidelity. It’s actually brought on as a result of your reactions to the many small, daily encounters you have with your partner.
Here’s a closer look…
A “Bid’ For Connection
Imagine you see your partner sitting at the kitchen table alone and visibly
frustrated. Maybe he’s covering his face with his hands even though he knows you’re there (non-verbal bid). Perhaps he lets out a sigh (verbal bid) or mumbles under his breath in frustration.
Though it may seem like a small thing, these moments are actually pivotal moments in your relationship because you have the opportunity to turn toward your partner or turn away.
Drs. John and Julie Gottman, world-renowned researchers and experts on
marital stability and divorce prediction, have found it’s these little moments that ultimately make or break a relationship.
What Happens When You Turn Toward Your Partner
On the surface, turning toward your partner is about acceptance, but your decision to engage runs much deeper. By accepting your partner’s bid, you’re accepting your partner as your ‘anchor’. This helps form an emotional attachment that helps provide stability, security, and personal growth within a relationship.
Turning toward each other is an essential foundation for any couple. When you accept your partner as your key emotional anchor, you can develop a deeply meaningful relationship full of trust and intimacy as you grow together.
Improve Your Relationship
Peg Walsh has a passion for helping couples heal through the language,
science, and research of the Gottman Method of Couples Therapy. She helps couples who are turning away from each other learn to let go of anger and pride so they can turn toward each other to create intimacy- the glue that holds a relationship together!
Deciding to enter couples therapy is a big step!
Research shows that it can take couples as much as 6 years to seek help. Don’t delay, start rebuilding your relationship today with a method of couple’s therapy that really works!